In this article I'm going to share what I think are the 5 most important premarital counseling topics that every couple should discuss ahead of time. In fact, if you're not on the same page with your partner in these five areas, I can guarantee you're going to have some major marriage problems down the road.
I've been a biblical counselor since 2009 and I've seen my fair share of difficult marriages. My belief is that it's better to prevent problems than try to fix them later. Premarital counseling gives you the opportunity to prevent problems by preparing ahead of time.
So what are the most important premarital counseling topics? Let's dive in.
A worldview is just what it sounds like. It's the way we see the world. But more specifically, our worldview expresses our deepest beliefs on life's most important topics. Here are a few examples:
- Where did we come from? (Origins)
- Where is history headed? (Future)
- How do we determine right and wrong? (Morality)
- What's the point of my life? (Purpose)
As you can see, these questions are deeply philosophical, but they also have very real practical implications. Therefore, it's crucial that premarital counseling give you and your partner the opportunity to articulate your worldview so that you can ensure that you're compatible.
The Bible warns us against being "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever.
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Even if your partner is a believer, they may have different beliefs that will make it hard for you to attain true unity in your marriage. Therefore, discussing worldview issues is an essential premarital counseling topic.
The Purpose Of Marriage
Imagine attending a play where every character on the stage thought they were supposed to be the "star" of the show. It would be total chaos and lots of conflict would occur. This happens in marriage when either the husband or the wife decides they want to be the "star" of the show and get their own way.
The truth is that God has His own purpose for marriage and Jesus is supposed to be the "star" of the show. The husband and wife are merely characters in a much more important story revolving around the Son of God. They're called to be servants rather than stars.
Unfortunately, many people enter into marriage not really understanding God's purpose for marriage. Instead, they have their own plan. And when they don't get their way, they fight for control. Therefore, one of the premarital counseling topics I always discuss is God's purpose for marriage.
Roles In Marriage
Do you and your partner agree on the roles you will play in the marriage? Do you both understand God's design for the husband and the wife? Or do you have a distorted view of marriage roles?
The biblical teaching of headship and submission can be easily twisted into something God never intended, which is why I consider it an essential premarital counseling topic. Good premarital counseling will sufficiently address the role of the wife and the husband, while also addressing some of the ways it can be distorted.
Communication And Conflict Resolution
One thing you'll find out soon enough is that every marriage involves two sinners. Conflict is inevitable in marriage. It's also easy to drift apart from one another. The best way to combat these problems is to practice good communication and conflict resolution habits.
In almost every marriage problem, you'll discover that poor communication is one of the greatest contributors to conflict. Therefore, it's essential that couples understand biblical teaching on communication and put good communication habits into practice.
Additionally, good conflict resolution skills can turn an argument into an opportunity to grow closer to one another. You'll never be able to completely end conflict altogether, but you can learn how to work through it in a constructive and helpful way.
Be sure that communication and conflict resolution is on your list of premarital counseling topics to discuss.
One final essential premarital counseling topic is money. It's been said that money is one of the most divisive issues in a marriage. There's no doubt that you'll be involved in conflict with your partner regarding money. But it's possible to work through these issues if you can get on the same page about money ahead of time.
I spend time in my online christian premarital counseling sessions helping couples understand biblical teaching on finances, stewardship and the importance of sticking to a budget. Most financial arguments can be solved through good communication and coming up with a plan ahead of time. I also recommend couples go through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.
Additional Premarital Counseling Topics
While the five items I listed above are on my list of most important premarital counseling topics, there are other topics I like to cover in premarital counseling.
- Maintaining your personal walk with God
- Sexual intimacy
- What it means to leave and cleave
- Decision making in marriage
- Practicing the "One-Anothers"
Are you Looking For Premarital Counseling?
If you're currently planning to be married and you're looking for online Christian premarital counseling, we encourage you to schedule your first appointment with Heart Talk Biblical Counseling today.